Humanity
by Queenbeth2
Summary: AU. After admitting his love for Esme, Carlisle is changed into a vampire and forced away from her leaving behind a daughter, Bella. Esme stays with Charles to provide a life for her, praying she'll find Carlisle again. Full summary inside. CxE later BxE
1. Chapter 1

DC: I don't own it

So this is a repost of an old story I had. Here is the story again, hopefully better than before.

Summary: AU. Carlisle grew up with Esme and watched her change from an awkward child to a beautiful woman. Before he knows it, she's in love with him and he is in love with her. But things aren't as perfect as they seem. A chance encounter leaves Carlisle as a vampire and Esme as a single mother, lost and confused. To provide a stable life for her daughter, Bella, Esme stays with Charles, much to her displeasure, never losing her hope that somewhere her Carlisle was still alive and that they will find each other.

CarlislexEsme eventual BellaxEdward

Chapter 1,

If there was one thing Carlisle was sure of after knowing Esme Platt for years was that she could sometimes be a bit spastic. Sure everybody had their moments but it seemed she excelled at it ever since they started college. Maybe it was something in the water or maybe all the stress was getting to her and she was finally cracking. All the same he enjoyed watching her scurry about her dorm trying to find her keys, cell phone, wallet and any other item she may need.

"You know the caff will probably be closed by the time you find your card right?"

"Hush you," she snapped as she shuffled through the papers on her desk for the fourth time. "I know I had it a few hours ago! Where did it go."

Carlisle shrugged and she gave him a look. He could see it outlined in her back pocket but he was going to let her figure that out. Besides, it would give away that he had been sneaking looks at her backside for the better part of the past ten minutes.

"Seriously, where is it?" Esme demanded stomping her foot and tossing the textbook she was holding onto her bed. "Carlisle!"

"What do you want me to say?" Carlisle asked with an innocent shrug. "Did you check your pockets?"

"Of course I checked my pockets! Do you really think I'm that stupid?"

He raised his eyebrows and she rolled her eyes. "Fine, if it'll make you happy I'll check my pockets."

He put on his best smug smirk as she pulled it out of her back pocket.

"Oh shut up. I'm going to go pee."

"Whatever you need to do," Carlisle shrugged. Esme left and he just smiled a bit. He sighed and sat at her desk. Sitting in her room always felt cozy. His room was more...well cold. Everything was in it's place and there wasn't a speck of dust anywhere on his side of the room. He loved order which was probably why Esme was a nice breath of fresh air. She was chaotic. She was studying to be an architect so graph paper was everywhere, wadded into balls near the trash can, posted by her desk, even just scraps laying on the floor. Her desk was cluttered with rulers, protractors, compasses and other math equipment that Carlisle didn't care for. But what really made her room cozy was the amount of pictures and trinkets from their childhood she had. Mostly around her desk and bed. He saw a picture poking out of an envelope and curiosity got the better of him. He plucked it out and looked at it.

It was a snapshot of them the day they met. Carlisle was wearing a tye-dye shirt his mother thought was absolutely precious and Esme was wearing a pink shirt with a pony on it. Neither of the children looked thrilled. Carlisle remembered that he wasn't feeling very well, and Esme was sour about moving. In fact if someone had told him back then that the girl he was standing next to would be his best friend, he probably would have laughed and declared that girls were gross.

"Lord you couldn't help yourself could you," Esme teased as she came in.

"And who may I ask sent you this one?" Carlisle asked.

"Your mom of course," Esme answered with a grin. Carlisle groaned. "Seems she likes to keep a record of her only son's life."

"Ready to go yet? Or would you like to shuffle around your mess pile more?"

"Yes, I'm ready. Heaven forbid we don't get there in time for the good lettuce."

"Mock me if you must," Carlisle chuckled, "we'll see who lives longer."

"Whatever who wants to die of old age anyway?" She asked.

"Me," Carlisle answered as they walked down the hall, "I want to be doing brain surgery when I'm a hundred."

Esme cringed at the idea of living to be that old and wrinkled while Carlisle summoned the elevator.

"You'll probably be one of those really tiny bald old guys," Esme said as they rode down to the lobby.

"Probably. With giant glasses. You'll be the crazy old lady tearing up the nursing home."

"I told you before," Esme said with a smile as they got off of the elevator. "I'm going to die before I'm so sick I have to be put in a nursing home. Who wants to live forever anyway?"

"People who are afraid of death or haven't accomplished everything they wanted to."

"Well I certainly don't want to hang around forever. Being immortal would be a nightmare."

"Who said anything about being immortal?" Carlisle asked, opening the door for her.

"Aw thanks Carly."

"No problem my dear," Carlisle said with a suave bow. Esme giggled and they continued on. Campus in the spring was stunning. The trees were beginning to bloom again and Carlisle thought the air smelled so sweet. He wore a light jacket while Esme just wore a sweater. Some snow still clung to the ground where there had once been massive mounds made by plows.

"I hate the cold," Esme said as she put her hands in her pockets. "I can't wait until summer."

"Too hot," Carlisle shrugged. "This is perfect. Although I do miss the bikinis."

"You're such a pervert," Esme sighed, elbowing him.

"I'm a guy," he reminded her.

"If I hadn't seen you naked when we were eight I wouldn't believe you."

"Ouch."

Esme smiled over at him and he put his arm around her. "Aw Carly you know I love you."

"Yes," Carlisle said with a smile. "I do know. And I love you Esme."

He lifted her up and Esme squeaked. "Carlisle! Carlisle what are you doing?"

"Hm, there is still some snow left," he said with a sly grin.

"Don't you dare!" Esme cried, kicking her legs. Carlisle laughed and set her back down. She jumped away quickly. "Let's just get there before it closes."

Carlisle smiled and followed her. They went up to the dining hall and scanned their cards. Carlisle went for the salad bar (his favorite after all) while Esme went to go see what was cooking in the deep fryer. He could pick up the aroma of fried chicken and he felt his stomach urge him to ignore his healthy vegetables in favor of something a bit greasier. He didn't give in. He wouldn't give in! There was a nice bowl of baked chicken strips for him on the salad bar. He grabbed some tomatoes and green olive slices before drizzling some Italian dressing over it. For his entree he chose a ham sandwich on whole wheat bred and grabbed a ripe red apple. Add a glass of milk and he had a perfectly balanced dinner, well organized on his tray and looking like something out of a health magazine.

He took his usual seat in the back by a window that overlooked the student center atrium and wass soon joined by Esme. When she plopped down he looked at the contents of her tray. A big plate of fried chicken with corn (and a pad of melting butter already on it) and garlic mashed potatoes. In a bowl she had strawberries in syrup usually used for ice cream. Her vegetable wasn't present and she had a banana for fruit. For her drink she opted for a tall glass of mountain dew that was fizzing happily in the plastic tumbler glass.

"Here," she said, dropping a drum stick on his tray. "I could hear you drooling across the room."

Carlisle hated how close they were sometimes. It was bad for his diet.

"Esme I can't eat stuff like this."

Esme rolled her eyes as she tore into a wing, tearing the skin with her teeth and reaching for the basket of napkins in the middle of the table. Her fingertips were glistening with the supposedly fat free oil they use to fry the chicken.

"I see the good doctor in training has his usual boring meal."

Esme snorted against her chicken and Carlisle gave the two new arrivals a dry look. Edward, Carlisle's friend and first roommate, set his girlfriend's tray down in the seat next to the one his took.

"Forgive me for wanting to be healthy," Carlisle huffed.

"At least you get a choice," Lizzy, Edward's girlfriend, grumbled as she nearly fell into the hard plastic chair. "I hate rabbit food."

"But it's good for the baby," Edward reminded her.

"Yeah, yeah. Y'know I'm not even fat yet but still I feel like a blimp!"

"Ah the wonders of pregnancy," Esme sighed with a smile, "you'll have to let me know how that all pans out."

"You know I can't wait until you get one of these inside of you and then I get to watch you suffer!" Lizzy grumbled, poking at her granola. "Eddie this is stupid."

"I'm not taking any chances! I want my son or daughter to be as perfect as he or she can possibly be."

Carlisle raised his eyebrows and Esme rolled hers eyes. Lizzy was only two months pregnant and Edward was convinced that the slightest toxin could destroy the baby. Which is why he insisted she eat a perfectly diet with no empty calories. They had gotten the happy news two weeks ago and being supportive friends, Carlisle and Esme bet on how long Lizzy was going to put up with the extremely strict diet and general life routines Edward was suggesting.

"Carlisle back me up here! You're gonna be a doctor!"

Carlisle chose to chew his salad a bit more.

"That's it!" Lizzy cried, snatching a piece of chicken from Esme's tray and biting into it.

"Aw come on Liz! Don't you want our baby to be healthy?"

"Of course I do! But you are being a tad silly!"

Edward looked at her with sweet sad eyes. Everybody at the table knew Lizzy was unable to resist him like that. In fact Carlisle had a sneaking suspicion she wouldn't be pregnant if she had.

"Eddie, we went to the doctor and it's okay for me to have some unhealthy foods from time to time. I'm taking my vitamins and drinking more milk than Dr. Boy here!"

"Hey!" Carlisle squawked, his glass of milk in hand.

"I love you," Eddie insisted, holding her hand, "I just want our baby to be okay."

"Have a bit more faith in the little fetus okay. Christ Carlisle's mom did pot once when she was pregnant with him and he's fine!"

"Okay seriously you guys!" Carlisle whined.

"It's okay drug baby," Esme said, patting his shoulder, "I still love you."

"I know you're just being cautious," Lizzy said, ignoring her friends, "and I know you are just gearing up to be the amazing dad I know you'll be. I won't be drinking caffeine, I'm staying away from alcohol and watching what I eat. But this," she held up the chicken, "won't hurt the baby at all. My mom ate it all the time because she craved it like mad."

"Have you had any cravings yet?" Edward asked.

"I had bacon this morning."

"I can't stop you can I?" Edward sighed in defeat.

Lizzy shook her head and kissed him lightly. "Nope."

"Fine. But can you at least try a little to be healthy?"

Lizzy nodded and stole a fork full of his potatoes. Edward rolled his eyes and smiled.

...

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Esme asked as she and Carlisle settled on his bed for a movie.

"Oh yeah. They're probably having gross preggo sex right now," Carlisle said, using the remote to turn the DVD player on.

"You think it's grosser than regular sex? What are you nine?"

"No, I just think it would be a bit odd to have certain bits poking so near to a baby."

"Certain bits?" Esme repeated, giggling. "Come now doctor I'm sure there is a more technical term."

"There probably is but we haven't learned it in class," Carlisle responded with the innocent tone Esme knew to be false.

"So guess what," she said, as the opening credits to the movie began, "Charles and I went out the other night."

"Evanson?" Carlisle asked, tilting his head up to look at her properly. Esme nodded. "You didn't like it did you?"

"Yes. In fact we're going for sushi tomorrow night."

"Sushi? But you hate fish."

"No, I hate shellfish," Esme clarified.

"How come you never want to get sushi when I ask you?"

"What are you jealous or something?" Esme asked quickly.

"No, just a bit curious is all," Carlisle answered just as quickly. "I kinda want to know why you ditch me."

"It's not my favorite but he likes it a lot and has his heart set on it."

"You sure about him? He's kinda...dull."

"Just because you don't like him doesn't mean he's dull. He's in a few of my design classes and we get along just fine. Why are you being so weird?"

"I'm not being weird," Carlisle grumbled, settling a little. "Just confused is all. I didn't know you liked him."

"He's cute and nice enough. Worthy of a first date at least."

"Sweetie we need to talk about your standards."

Esme snorted. "Oh he can't be worse than that train wreck you dated last year. What was her name? Carol? The one that nearly gave you herpes."

"Thanks for reminding me," Carlisle grumbled. "More reason for me to never have sex."

"Don't be so paranoid Carly," Esme said with a smirk, "it's oh so much fun."

Carlisle sat up so quickly he gave himself a head rush. "How do you know?"

"I'm twenty one, Carlisle, I've been around the block before."

"With who?" Carlisle cried, his voice high pitched.

"Cameron and Gary."

"Sweet lord woman!"

Esme giggled, enjoying the look of shock on her best friend's face. "Just because you want to save yourself for the perfect pale lover doesn't mean we all do. Gary wasn't half bad either. Good foreplay. Besides, I'm sure if you hadn't been brought up as a pastor's son you would have gotten laid years ago."

"I came close," Carlisle grumbled, folding his arms, "I just didn't feel like getting an STD."

"Just be glad you noticed before sticking it in. Which reminds me, do you have any of those condoms I gave you as a gag gift after that ordeal? I ran out."

"Esme!"

"Kidding, kidding don't be so touchy," Esme giggled. Carlisle huffed and turned his attention to the screen, deciding to ignore her. She did the same and Carlisle gave her a sideways glance. The light from the television screen bathed her face in a pale bluish glow. She grabbed some popcorn from the bowl between them and ate it. Carlisle tried to stop watching her. The soft lips against the puffy kernels. The way her long hair was draped over her shoulder. The way she smelled and smiled and...he shook his head and turned back to the movie.

Kate Hudson was losing a guy in ten days. Carlisle looked over at Esme again. She giggled at what she saw on screen and then checked her phone. She gave a wistful sigh.

"Go ahead and say it."

"You've checked your phone like three times already."

"Just checking the time. It's getting late."

"You want to go see him?" Carlisle asked.

"No, Carly, I don't want to miss movie night."

"Yeah but you are thinking about him and clearly don't want to be here."

Esme looked guilty and Carlisle was surprised when he felt a little glad that she did.

"Don't hate me?" Esme asked.

"Ah get out of here and have fun."

Esme leaned over and hugged him before leaving. Carlisle was alone. He turned the movie off and pulled the covers over his head. This was the kind of thing he needed a best friend for. He felt sick and angry when he thought of Esme running across campus to Charles. A man that, in his opinion, was grossly undeserving of her. He was boring, plain and wouldn't know what to do with someone like Esme. Esme who was kind and loving and spunky. She was the kind of girl that went to antique shops and spent hours fawning over the old beauty of it all. She was the kind of girl that had an antique coffee tin on her desk that held her many drafting supplies.

"Hey man I need to talk to you," Edward said as he came into the room that, until the beginning of the semester, had been his as well.

"What's up?" Carlisle asked, sitting up.

"I was with Lizzy right and I was rubbing her feet. Then it hit me. Y'know I'm gonna be a dad! I'm twenty two! I'm not close to being ready! Shit I haven't even gone to law school yet! I owe a mountain of gold in student loans and will have to pay as much in diapers!"

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," Carlisle assured him. Edward sat heavily and Carlisle put a gentle hand on his back. "You and Liz love each other. Yeah this is unexpected but you two are meant to be together. It'll work out. Somehow."

"That's all you've got?" Edward cried. "Dude!"

"Sorry I'm distracted," Carlisle sighed. "I can't get her out of my head."

"Esme? You still on her? Dude man up and tell her how you feel."

Carlisle shook his head. "No use. She's dating that dick cheese Charles Evenson now."

"Dick cheese?" Edward repeated.

"The guy is such a tool. He's not good enough for her. Besides, she says I'm like her brother. Who wants to screw their brother?"

"Southerners?"

Carlisle smiled a bit. He shook his head and sighed. "No man, she won't go for me. Then things'll be awkward."

"Has it ever occurred to you that maybe she likes you too?"

Carlisle snorted in disbelief. Esme like him that way? In his dreams maybe.

"Hey I gotta get back. Lizzy's wondering where I went. We'll go for drinks tomorrow and talk about it. Kay?"

Carlisle nodded and Edward pat him on the back before heading out.

"Hey, so did you guys pick a name?"

"She wants to name him after me. Edward the third. Family tradition I guess. If it's a girl then she'll name it Bella."

"Esme'll be pissed if she does. That's her favorite name."

"Seriously bro, get a hobby," Edward advised with a smile. He ran a hand through his dark hair before leaving. "Oh by the way," he added popping his head back in, "I'm gonna need a best man after the baby comes."

Carlisle smiled a bright happy smile, his mood successfully uplifted. "You got it."

Edward left him alone and Carlisle went up to lock the door for the night. Another visitor would probably shatter his nerves right now. He looked at his reflection in the mirror above his dresser on the way back to his bed. He tilted his head to the side and examined himself. Surely he was attractive to Esme. Maybe. He put on his best cool player face. A wide cocky smirk and a sad attempt at sexy eyes.

Hm. Blonde hair and blue eyes didn't help much. His mom often told him he looked angelic. Esme said he looked like a nerd. Sure it was lovingly, but she seemed to be attracted to more manly men. A slight frame that was not quite as masculine as he would have liked didn't exactly help. The familiar sense of self doubt began to fill him again and his ex girlfriend's taunt about how he looked like a prepubescent boy when naked came roaring back. But who had time for the gym when there were papers, midterms and applications to med school to worry about?

"Well," he sighed, "at least you'll make a killing when the stupid jocks shatter their stupid skulls and you have to fix them."

He could see his future now. Twenty years down the road when the manly men were balding he would be a master surgeon. Nurses would be in awe over his talent.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen," he said to himself with a cocky grin, "brain surgery? No problem I'll knock it out before lunch."

He turned slightly and continued to smile. "What's that nurse? You need me to examine you?"

Oh yeah, they would all want to get with the big bad attending. Interns as far as the eye could see. Carlisle fell back onto his bed and smiled. Yeah, his time would come. He just had to wait. But until then he could always dream.

Esme's image swam into his mind. She wore a tight nurses dress and smiled at him. In a soft sensual voice she asked him to come closer. He imagined kissing her, her soft hands roaming down his body until reaching his nethers. She smiled at him, a sweet but seductive smile.

"Oh, Carly, you're so much bigger than I ever dreamed!" She whispered. She lowered her head and then...

His phone rang. He grabbed it and saw it was his mother. Awkward.

...

TBC

Does anyone else think Carlisle would have been an adorable nerd if he had been born around this time?


	2. Chapter 2

DC: I don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers!

Chapter 2,

Carlisle had never really hated anyone before. Not really. Sure he exaggerated when he was angry with someone but that was only fleeting. He hated Charles though. He hated his face, his voice, his demeanor and especially the way he was smooching Esme in freaking public! Carlisle chewed his lettuce slowly. Even the special raspberry vinaigrette the cafeteria so rarely had couldn't make him feel better.

"You know some of us are trying to eat," he said calmly after swallowing the mouthful.

"You don't have to watch you know," Charles responded casually.

"You're right in front of me," Carlisle replied, his voice a bit rougher than usual.

Esme just blushed a little and scooped up a spoonful of yogurt. She smiled when they were joined by Edward and Lizzy. In the past month pregnancy had begun to show on Lizzy's face and body. Being a normally very petite woman her baby bump (or fat bubble as she called it when in a bad mood) was beginning to show.

"Great news," Lizzy announced as they sat, "Esme could you detach from your boyfriend and focus on me now?"

Esme sighed and looked at him. "Fine but make it quick."

"We went to the doctor and they said they could make a guess at the sex. We're gonna have a boy maybe possibly!"

"Ah little Edward," the soon to be father sighed happily. "Wee little Eddie and I will toss the football around in the back yard of our blue house with white shutters."

Carlisle and Esme exchanged glances before looking back at Edward.

"Um...dude?"

"My little garden where we'll plant tomatoes," Lizzy sighed with a smile, "and I'll give him little baths and make him little booties for his baby feet!"

Esme and Carlisle exchanged glances again. Esme seemed to want an explanation from Carlisle as to what was happening, as if he knew anything about babies.

"Anyway blocking them out," Carlisle said, "we haven't hung out in a while. Do you think you two can separate for a night and watch some movies?"

"What kind of movies?" Esme asked, nibbling on a carrot stick she stole from his tray.

"Stupid horror movies maybe? Freddy or Jason?"

"Ooh! Sounds good!" Esme agreed. "Six a good time?"

"Perfect!"

"Sweetheart you have that paper, remember?"

Esme nodded. "Yeah, I know, but it's the weekend and I have all day tomorrow to work on it."

Charles gave her a bit of a look but went back to his meal. "Just don't get all mad when you have to rush it."

"I won't, honey, relax."

"Oh hey since it finally stopped raining how about we go to the park!" Lizzy exclaimed.

"Ooh that sounds like fun!" Esme agreed, equally excited. "How about this afternoon after class?"

"Perfect!"

"I guess we're going on a field trip," Edward said to Carlisle. Carlisle nodded and took a sip of his hot tea. He held the mug against his lips as Esme asked Charles if he wanted to go. He saw his friend give him a brief sympathetic look. Another sip and Charles was agreeing. Carlisle wanted to bang someone's head against the table, but whether it would be Charles' or his own he didn't know.

...

The park was very nice. The grass was green from so much rain. Lizzy and Edward held hands as did Charles and Esme. Carlisle felt a little awkward walking between two couples. The path was nice, except for the occasional biker that would almost run them over. Edward plucked a flower from a bush they passed and gave it to his pregnant girlfriend. In return he received a sweet kiss on the cheek.

"Hey lets go to the play ground," Esme suggested.

"Isn't that for children?" Charles asked.

"My inner child wants to play," Esme said, running off of the path to the gravel square. Carlisle followed as he usually did. He could remember when the plastic playground equipment was wood and metal. The swing set was all that remained of the original playground. Everything else had been replaced by colorful plastic. Esme went for the swings as she usually did.

"Be careful there," Carlisle teased, "we don't want you taking off any heads."

"That was one time," Esme giggled, swinging higher, "and as you recall," she swing a bit higher, "you managed to find yours."

Lizzy giggled and sat on the empty swing. Edward began to push her slowly and gently.

"You kicked him in the face I take it?" Charles asked. He seemed amused by the thought and Carlisle felt a prickle of anger towards him.

"Didn't I tell you that story?" Esme asked, slowing a bit. Charles shook his head no. "Well it was back in kindergarten. Carlisle and I were in the same class and playing at recess. He got too close and I kicked him in the face. Well actually more of the shoulders."

"I had to go to the hospital and get three stitches," Carlisle said with a nostalgic smile. "After that Esme decided I needed someone to look after me."

"Just think," Esme sighed happily, "if you hadn't been stupid enough to play in front of the swings we wouldn't have met."

"Oh I think we would have met," Carlisle shrugged, leaning against the metal pole, "when you were shoving me into lockers."

"Nonsense I wouldn't shove you into a locker," Esme snorted, "your big head wouldn't fit."

Carlisle laughed and pushed her swing sideways. He always enjoyed time with her. Her enthusiasm for life was beyond compare. She always seemed to find the bright side of everything and embraced her inner child. It wasn't long before she grabbed his hand and dragged him to the play set. Esme ran ahead of him, holding tight to his hand. The gravel crunched beneath their feet and slowed them down a little.

Her hand was soft. Her palm was softer than her fingertips which had graphite on them as usual. She often smudged her pencil sketches if she was "in the zone" as she called it instead of using a proper eraser. She let him go as she ran up the hard plastic steps to a platform that looked like it was made of netting. He remembered getting his fingers stuck in platforms like that when he was little. Esme would laugh at him but help him free himself all the same. He wandered up after her and when she wasn't looking he jumped onto the hanging bridge, startling her and making her lose balance.

"Carlisle!" She squealed as she fell back. He caught her of course, laughing. She looked up at him, her brown eyes blazing with temporary anger and the promise to get him back.

"Watch your step," he laughed.

"Oh very mature," she huffed, standing and composing herself.

"Right, what do you know of mature?" Carlisle asked with a triumphant grin.

"You two are dorks," Edward declared from the gravel below.

"I think you're scaring the children," Lizzy added from beside him.

"C'mon," Esme giggled, taking Carlisle by the wrist and going up to the spiral slide.

"Feet first Esme!" Carlisle cried as she practically dove down the slide, taking him with her. He hit the plastic hard and gravity pulled him down after her. They toppled off of the red plastic into the gravel laughing.

"Hey wanna play survivor on the tire swing?" Lizzy asked. "Ed and me against you losers."

"You're on," Esme vowed. "C'mon Carly let's kick their asses."

Carlisle sighed and stood up, helping her stand. She ran off with Lizzy to the tire swings, getting ready. Edward gave Carlisle a bit of a pained look, as if he could already taste his lunch coming back up.

"You know you're going to be taking care of two kids most days right?" Carlisle asked with a grin.

"Oh don't remind me," Edward whined.

Esme held the chains while Carlisle eased into the tire.

"Are you sure about this?" Charles asked.

"We do it all the time," Esme said. "You guys ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Edward whimpered, holding the chains tight.

"Bring it," Carlisle said, squeezing his eyes closed. He felt Esme begin to move the tire, her feet crunching gravel and sending his memory back to the school yard.

_"Hold on tight Carly!" Esme grunted as she spun the swing with her feet. Their knees occasionally knocked against each other as she did so._

_"Esme! Imma puke!"_

_"Oh come on you can't quit on me now!" Esme whined, spinning the swing faster. "They're getting weak!"_

_Carlisle bit his lip and curled his tiny legs up, locking his feet around the ankles. He gripped the chain tight and felt Esme's hands against his. He opened his eyes and saw hers were shut tight and her chin was tucked hard against her chest. Her caramel hair was blowing around her face. Opening his eyes was a mistake though. The whirling scenery behind Esme's head was making his stomach do somersaults._

"I GIVE! I GIVE! LIZZY STOP I'M GONNA VOMIT!"

"Oh you wuss!" Lizzy whined, stopping their swing. Edward scrambled clumsily out of the tire and stumbled about.

"Help me," Carlisle grunted, holding his hand out. Esme helped him out of the swing but Carlisle stumbled, knocking them both over.

"Aw man you're heavy!" Esme groaned.

"Oh god I'm gonna puke," Carlisle moaned.

"Don't you dare do it on me you punk! Not again!"

_"Esme I don't feel so good."_

_"Baby," Esme mumbled, stumbling out of the gravel pit. Carlisle nearly fell onto the grass but caught himself. Unfortunately that was all he caught. The chicken nuggets they had for lunch just fifteen minutes ago came up. "OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GROSS! YOU GOT IT ON MY LEG!"_

"CARLISLE EEW!" Esme squealed as she jumped out of his line of fire. "YOU GOT ON MY SHOE!"

"Some things never change I guess," Carlisle snickered, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Jeez I remember why I stopped picking you for tire swinging."

She pulled a tissue from her back pocket and handed it to him, along with the bottle of water she had brought along. "You okay?"

"I'll survive. Just motion sick," Carlisle answered before gargling some water.

"Perhaps we should go back before the adults here think you're all mental," Charles suggested, putting his arm around Esme.

"That sounds like a plan," Esme agreed, "I need to shower now anyway."

"Love you sweetie," Carlisle said with a sweet smile.

"Whatever."

They walked back, laughing while Carlisle and Edward stumbled a bit, still regaining their balance. Upon reaching campus Charles left to go to his night class and Edward left with Carlisle to rest and shower, leaving the girls alone.

"So your boy is kinda dull," Lizzy said as they walked towards Esme's dorm.

"So he's not big on playing like a kid," she shrugged, "he's got plenty of good qualities."

Lizzy shrugged and absentmindedly rubbed her belly, a new habit of hers. "He doesn't like Carly much."

"He says he likes him just fine."

"You and Carlisle are adorable when you're like that."

"He's like he was when we were younger sometimes. It's nice."

"You always got him into trouble," Lizzy sighed with a smile. "He loves you."

Esme didn't say anything. There was no doubting that. Carlisle would die for her and she would do the same. That's what best friend were for right? She was about to say so when Lizzy continued.

"I mean really loves you."

Esme folded her arms loosely under her chest. "He's my best friend. My brother."

"You doing that whole I can't tell him because he's my best friend thing? Cause I gotta say hon, nobody buys it. It's so obvious that you two have a thing for each other. Charles knows it."

"Knows what? There's nothing there! Carlisle is like my gay best friend."

"Only he's like a typical nerd about boobs. He and Eddie both."

"You know what I mean. He's the one guy I don't have to worry about trying to perv on me. Why? Because he doesn't look at me that way. He didn't in middle school, or in high school, or now in college. He's graduating at the end of the semester! If he wanted to go out with me he would have said something by now!"

"Or he's scared and with all the guys you've dated this past year when would he have the time?"

Esme began to chew on her nail. "Charles is great. I think I love him."

"Esme you don't love him. You love the idea of loving him. You love the idea of someone loving you. Carlisle's the real deal though. He adores you."

"You're wrong. Look I have to get some work done at the studio. I'll see you later."

Lizzy made a noise in protest but Esme ran off. She just sighed and kept going. She was in need of a nap and even though she dearly loved Esme, dealing with drama wasn't going to help.

Esme slowed to a walk half way to the studio. She found herself angry with Lizzy for bringing him up. It had taken years of hard work to get over Carlisle. Was he perfect? No, but it was his imperfections that were endearing. The way he chewed on the tip of his pencil when studying, or the way he never ate anything fattening for fear he would become "the big tub of goo" that was his grandfather. She loved how he was insecure but at the same time happy with himself. Something she always admired as most of her life was spent wishing she could change.

"Hey, Esme."

She turned and saw Charles coming towards her. "Oh I thought you had class."

"My professor is sick so class is cancelled. Do you want to go to my room for a while? You seem upset."

"Thinking is all."

"Come on, tell me about it."

Esme felt warm and fuzzy when he put his arm around her. Lizzy was wrong, she did care about her boyfriend. That was why she felt the fuzzies.

"I'm just thinking about how Carlisle is graduating this spring and I've still got another year. It's weird. We've been together since kindergarten. We've been in the same classes most of the time."

"You two will stay close," Charles assured her as they turned towards his dorm. He moved to hold her hand and she squeezed his fingers. "You two are close."

It wasn't really a question or much of a statement. Esme wondered if he was going to go anywhere with it.

"I used to be close with this girl I knew."

"Used to?" Esme asked, stopping as he checked his mail.

"Yeah we went off to different schools. She got caught up in the greek scene and ended up getting pregnant at a frat party."

"Bummer," Esme mumbled.

"Mmhm."

They reached his room and Esme settled on his futon while he put his books away.

"I told her how I felt about her our senior year."

"What happened?" Esme asked.

"We went to prom together, dated for a few months and then broke up. I think that's why she ended up choosing Indiana over here. Not too far from home but far enough."

He sat and drew her closer. "I know how you feel. Being separated from someone you care about sucks."

"I just want to forget how much it hurts sometimes," Esme said sadly. "Yeah we're close but how close are we going to be when he's swamped with med school?"

"You'll have me," Charles assured her gently. "If things go the way they are now."

Esme nodded. She felt familiar stabs in her heart like she usually did when thinking about Carlisle being away. They were worse now that she was thinking about how close the time was and he still hadn't returned her feelings by giving any sign that he wanted her. She felt a strong need for physical contact. Her body ached for it. She turned her head up and kissed her boyfriend lightly on the lips.

"Make me feel better?"

Esme felt him nod and pull her closer. Her mind began to go fuzzy as it usually did when things got heated and Carlisle's face melted away.

...

Esme went into Carlisle's room to find he wasn't there. She could hear some showers running and figured that was probably where he was. Not that he minded her being in his room without him. In fact his dorm was half way between hers and the studio where she had a lot of her classes, a perfect stop for a midday nap. She set her bag down and sat at his desk. Everything was neat and tidy. Sometimes if she was a little annoyed with him she would mess up his organization. Childish? Absolutely but it sent a message.

She looked at the framed photograph on the corner of his desk. The frame had four separate slots for pictures. One had his parents, a gentle looking woman with golden brown hair and a pudgy balding man with grey hair and bright blue eyes. The second had a picture of him and Esme at the pound when they got his dog Pepper back when he was eleven. They were hugging the black and white greyhound, smiling brightly. The other two were group shots from college. Esme's favorite was a group shot at a bar, they were celebrating the end of their first year. Carlisle was wearing a white shirt and his arm was around her shoulders. They were holding up cans of soda and smiling brightly.

Beside the frame was a thin pink dog collar with a heart that said Pepper. She picked it up and sighed. Some of her favorite memories were of Carlisle rolling in the grass with his dog, trying to escape a face licking. She remembered walking the beautiful dog around the park with her best friend.

"Too bad your dad's allergic."

Esme nodded and put the collar back down. "She was a good dog."

"Yep," Carlisle agreed, hanging up his towel. He came over and hugged her from behind. Esme reached up and held his arm with her hands. He smelled like the same Pert Plus shampoo he had been using since he was ten.

"What's wrong?" Esme asked, feeling his head rest heavily on top of hers.

"Mom called an hour ago saying dad was in a car accident."

"What?" Esme cried, tilting her head back sharply. "He's okay right?"

"He has a broken arm and a broken leg but yeah he'll be fine," he mumbled. His voice was thick, like he had been crying in the shower.

"You don't sound convinced."

"The guy is almost fifty."

Esme tilted her head back, "do you want to go home? I'll go with you if you want."

Carlisle shook his head no. "I'm going home in a few weeks. Mom said there's no need for me to come home as he's gonna be drugged up."

"You gonna be okay though?" Esme asked.

"Yeah," he sighed, pulling away from her. Esme turned and watched him wander to his dresser. He seemed slow and unsteady on his feet. He took a shirt out of his dresser and pulled it over his head. "What do you want to watch?"

"You pick."

Carlisle grabbed the movie on top of the stack by the television and put it in. Esme moved to the bed and held her arms out to him.

"C'mere hon."

Carlisle laid beside her, his head resting on her lap. Esme pet his hair softly after pressing play on the movie. 101 Dalmations began and she smiled.

"I love this movie," Carlisle sighed quietly.

"I do too."

Carlisle closed his eyes and tried to pretend he didn't have butterflies. Esme's hand was soft and warm. She was soft and warm.

"Have I ever told you how happy you make me?" he asked quietly.

Esme smiled. "Yeah, you have. I'm really gonna miss you when you go off to med school. Being away from you is hard."

"You'll have Charles to keep you company."

"I guess."

"So you serious about him?" Carlisle asked, rolling onto his back. He began to play with the ends of her hair.

"I dunno. He's good for now."

"So you've slept with him already?"

Esme's cheeks burned and Carlisle rolled his eyes. "Way to hold out."

"Oh don't judge me!"

Carlisle sat up and stretched. "He's mad you're here."

Esme shifted a little. "He isn't quite comfortable with us being so close. I don't think he's used to a girlfriend with very close guy friends. It's kinda rare."

"You should be with someone who accepts your friendships."

Esme leaned over and hugged him around the shoulders. "I think he really likes me."

"He's bad for you. He doesn't appreciate you the way you deserve to be appreciated."

Esme shifted uncomfortably before getting up. Carlisle stood as well.

"Isn't it a rule that if two out of three good friends think a guy is a loser then you should listen?"

"Carlisle what do you not like about him? Give me five good reasons and I'll consider it."

"He's stupid..."

"That doesn't count," Esme said quickly, cutting off what she knew would be a chain of insults.

"He always looks at you like you're a lump of clay that he wants to shape into his own perfect girlfriend. He doesn't get that you're a vibrant young woman that can't be contained in his little world."

Esme folded her arms and raised her eyebrows. "You think he's..."

"I'm not finished!" Carlisle cried, "let me finish my thought before assuming what I'm going to say! Esme you don't see it but he lives in a different world than you."

Esme sighed. "Look you're acting like he proposed or something. None of your reasons are..."

"I love you Esme!" Carlisle blurted. "How's that for a reason?"

Esme stood in silence. Carlisle just watched her reactions. He watched confusion, frustration and something else cross her eyes. He was certainly surprised when he saw tears.

"You stupid jerk," she growled, pushing by him and running out.

Carlisle stood in shock, listening to her footsteps down the hall. He felt confused before a slow creeping pain started in his chest. It started in the center of his chest and crept slowly through him. His throat got painfully dry, as all the moisture seemed to go up to his eyes. As the pain increased one tear began to fall, then another and then another before he realized he was crying. What if things were ruined forever? What if they were forever awkward together and if he went on to med school he would lose her?

The pain was so intense now. He felt like his stomach was trying to eat itself. His heart was burning and trying to stop beating. Was this heartache? He had cared about past girlfriends, but breaking up with them never hurt like this. Sadly he wondered what it would have been like i he and Esme had broken up after being together for months. Would it have hurt like this? Worse?

He closed his eyes and hoped for sleep. Maybe. Possibly.

TBC

Enjoy!

The song for Carlisle and Esme right now is Secrets by One Republic. I've had it stuck in my head ever since my sister and I saw Sorcerers Apprentice a few days ago. I wrote a part of what will probably be part of the next chapter while listening to it. ^_^


	3. Chapter 3

DC: I don't own it

Thanks to my reviewers!

Sexy time later on! Be warned!

Chapter 3,

Esme rocked back and forth on the swings. The nearby park was silent and still. She could hear the sounds of the city continuing it's life in the background. The creaking metal of the swings was somehow calming. It was familiar and safe. She had always loved the swings. There she could usually find answers to her many questions. Tonight there was nothing though. Just more confusion. More memories of a child's life that seemed so far away. Memories of a man with caramel hair and a soft smile.

"I thought I'd find you here."

Esme looked up and saw Carlisle. She listened to him walk into the gravel pit and crunch over to the swing set. He sat in the swing beside her and began to sway lazily like she was.

"You know me well."

"Where have you been all week?" Carlisle asked. He didn't really look at her. He glanced over as she drew circles with her feet in the rocks.

"Busy with school...and...y'know, avoiding someone who knows you better than anyone else is kinda difficult."

"I see," Carlisle mumbled. "Did I offend you that badly? We've been friends for nearly twenty years and this little hiccup is hardly worth of throwing it away."

Esme laughed a dry laugh. "Carly that isn't it."

"Then what is?" Carlisle asked as he stood. He moved behind her and started pushing her gently. Esme smiled slightly.

"You're leaving. Come August you'll be leaving for med school and I'll come back here for another year."

"Why don't we start with how you feel about me," Carlisle suggested.

"Remember how I told you that you don't quite get it when girls flirt with you? I mean unless they are insanely obvious about it."

Carlisle nodded. Esme looked back at him.

"If you understood subtle hints you would have known I've liked you since we were kids."

Carlisle felt his cheeks burn and his heart began to thump faster against his chest.

"I'm scared about what will happen when you go away without bringing feelings into it. Carlisle we've been together, damn near inseparable since we met. Everything is changing and it seems like once I finally get past you, enough to function without wishing you loved me too, you drop this on me."

Esme sighed and stood up. She went off walking towards the wooded area near the playground. The moon lit up the path perfectly. She heard Carlisle walking behind her.

"Do you remember when we used to try to catch frogs by the lake? We'd go exploring and subject ourselves to life threatening idiocy," Carlisle murmured. He reached for her hand and she held it.

"I remember falling off of the log into the creek and fracturing my arm," Esme said with a nostalgic smile. "Your idea if I recall."

"What scares you more?" Carlisle asked, stopping on the banks of a creek they had explored a thousand times since coming to college. "Being apart, or being alone?"

"Same thing," Esme said, watching him sit on the log.

"No, it isn't the same thing. Quite different actually. If I had told you last semester, last year or even last month that I loved you we would probably be making out right now in your room and I would be trying to feel some side boob. But now the reality that I'm going to be away from you is sinking in and you're scared that while I'm away I'll meet someone else."

Esme sat beside him. He could always read her like a book. She looked at him and his eyes seemed to pierce the night, silvery blue from the full moon above them. His skin looked milky white, his hair pale white gold. He looked like an angel.

"If I remain only your friend we'll be apart," Carlisle murmured. His voice was low and calm but shaking. Esme leaned closer to him. "But if you tell me you love me and we try something more than what we are, you'll feel alone when I'm away. The pain you'll feel missing me will be more than my companionship, but you'll miss my touch, my kiss and...maybe something else depending on how it goes."

Esme felt like her heart was going to leap out of her chest. The way he spoke was unusual for him but entrancing. He held her eyes with his. She could feel his warm breath before realizing how close they were.

"Everything you feel I understand," he whispered, "Esme being without you is hard for me too. You are the most important part of my life. You're afraid of the pain of missing someone you love so you'll settle for a local substitute."

Esme was about to speak when he held her hand tightly and smiled a gentle smile.

"But you are worth the pain, I decided this. Too late, admittedly, as I wish I could have had more time. I wish I could have known what it was I was feeling and, as you said, picked up on the hints that you felt the same. Do you still?"

Esme found her tongue had turned to lead long before he finished speaking. Her throat was dry and her hand were trembling softly. He caught her, as she knew he would. Physical pain was nothing, but her heart was too fragile for her to wager on a maybe.

"I'm not like him, Esme," Carlisle whispered, "when I go away I won't forget you."

He turned to face her completely, holding both of her hands, "If you give me your heart, and if you take mine, I won't be unfaithful. Nobody in the world is as beautiful to me as you."

"I'm scared," Esme mumbled, "I'll miss you too much. It'll hurt too much."

"Trust me," he whispered, leaning so close their lips were nearly touching, "Esme I love you and in our entire life, have I ever given you a reason to think I'll abandon you?"

She shook her head no. "I should probably tell Charles it isn't working."

Carlisle nodded and kissed her. He held her face in his hands and she slid her arms around his middle. Esme had dreamt about this for years, the day Carlisle Cullen held her in his arms and kissed her deep and hard. He had never really been a bold person, so when his kiss was commanding and strong she was delighted and surprised. She should have trusted her feelings and told him how she felt from the beginning. His hands held her tight, one slipped back to brace her neck and the other moved down her arm. They broke for a brief gulp of air before resuming. This time Esme wanted to taste him. She wanted to feel connected to him in a new way.

The moment Carlisle's tongue brushed hers it seemed a fire sped down her spine and hit her groin like a lightning bolt. The pleasurable but still slightly uncomfortable jolt sent out a breathy moan against his mouth. He answered it with his own and pushed against her. They topped off of the log, Carlisle catching her weight by landing on his back. He could feel himself awakening.

"Esme," he panted, breaking for air again. They looked at each other. Her hair was spilling out of it's elastic band and she looked breath taking. The sharp contrast of the milky moon light and the shadows of the night was alluring and almost unreal. Carlisle actually wondered if maybe he was dreaming. Carlisle rolled her over onto the soft grass by the water and kissed down her neck.

"Touch me," Esme whispered, arching her back against him, "I've wanted you to for years."

"Don't worry," Carlisle murmured with a smile, "I've thought of much more over the years."

Esme blushed but giggled. "Well then, perhaps we should skip that part."

"Oh we don't have to," Carlisle assured her. He felt Esme sit up and blushed when she pulled her shirt off. He watched her unhook her bra and when it fell away he felt the blood drain from his cheeks and rush way down south.

The last time he had seen her naked they were eleven and there was only one big difference between their bodies. Now she had developed a bit more and being the guy that he was, Carlisle was very pleased with the results. He felt a typical delight when realizing that he was going to be touching them.

"I forgot nerds don't get boob very often," Esme giggled.

"No we do not," Carlisle agreed, "which means I'm going to enjoy this even more."

Esme giggled and moved closer. "How about this big boy, you play with your new toys and I'll get rid of these pesky pants of yours."

"Sounds like a deal," Carlisle agreed with a smile. He felt her breasts for the first time and knew he could die happy. They were soft and perfect. He found that when he brushed his thumbs over her hardening nipples she gasped so he did it again. He laid her back down and kissed her chest. Esme gasped again and moaned. She tugged his pants at least a little ways down. Carlisle teased her nipples with his mouth while working the band of her sweatpants. Esme lifted her hips and helped wiggle out of her pants and underwear. Carlisle came up to properly kiss her as he helped her get rid of his own pants.

"I feel like I'm going to explode," he grunted. Esme brushed her hand over his erection and he felt a rush of excitement. Carlisle lowered a slightly trembling hand down between her legs and felt around. It was too dark to do any real examining, but looking away from the sparkling moonlight and pleasure in Esme's eyes made it all okay.

"Do it," Esme whimpered, arching her back and rubbing her hips against his, "please, Carlisle."

"Always so demanding," he chuckled, a bit nervously. He kissed her before pulling back to try and arrange himself in the dark. He tried once and missed, then again, he blushed a little when Esme let out a small giggle. "Stupid dark."

Third times a charm and Esme's giggles turned into a surprised gasp and a moan. Carlisle couldn't help but feel a bit smug. The look on her face clearly told him he was bigger than Charles. She was warmer than he could have imagined. Soft but tight and so welcoming. He began to move, holding her close and propping himself up with one hand.

"Oh god Carly," Esme moaned against his neck. He saw her wince and she shifted. He stopped and pulled out of her. "What is it?"

"Next time we'll pick somewhere more comfortable," Carlisle chuckled, "but until then let's try this way."

He rolled onto his back and Esme straddled him. She could see the shadowed outline of what was probably a stone on the ground where she was laying. It didn't matter. At least this way she could take him in deeper and see the moonlight in his eyes. Carlisle moved his hips, holding onto her, and she bracing herself with her hands on his strong shoulders.

"Esme, I love you," Carlisle grunted

"I...lo...ah...!" She didn't seem capable of anything beyond that. Her arms were trembling but she allowed herself to collapse. He kissed her deeply and her soft tongue moving in rhythm against his was enough to send him over the edge. Esme moaned into his mouth and he held her tighter than he ever had before. After the release they laid together, trembling and panting.

"We...we should probably...get back," Carlisle panted. Esme moved off of him and Carlisle grabbed their clothes. They dressed quickly and ran back to the playground holding hands. As they reached campus they began to burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.

...

Carlisle woke up next to Esme feeling a little shocked. He had expected it all to be a dream, and that he would wake up alone with tears on his pillow. Granted waking up with Esme in his arms instead of his teddy bear (which he loudly claimed he didn't have) was the true definition of a perk. She was beautiful in sleep. He kissed her shoulder and her neck. Pulling back the covers he snuck a peek at her naked body.

"Nice," he whispered.

"Thanks," Esme whispered back.

Carlisle smiled and she rolled over to face him. "Did I wake you?" he asked.

"Yeah," she yawned, "but I forgive you."

"Oh good."

Esme leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips. "Besides, you continue to prove how nerdy you are."

"What can I say, I love your lovelies."

Esme blushed a little. "Last night...and this morning...was amazing."

"Yeah," Carlisle agreed with a smile. He touched her cheek and kissed her forehead. "I love my Esme very much."

"I love you too Carly."

A rumble in Esme's stomach disrupted what was probably going to be another fantastic round of sex. Carlisle chuckled and kissed her forehead again.

"How about this, we go shower and then meet in the caff for breakfast in a half hour."

"An hour," Esme said. "I have to get back across campus after all."

"An hour it is," Carlisle agreed. They got out of bed and he helped her dress. This was a mistake after all as they ended up embracing and kissing deeply. When they pulled away he smiled. "You have a sex glow," he whispered, brushing her cheeks with his hands. "I love it."

"I'll see you in an hour," Esme murmured. "Can I take your butt with me?"

"No, I like it where it is," Carlisle chuckled. He looked down her tank top and smiled. "Still nice."

"Lord you aren't going to give me any rest are you?"

"Nope."

Esme giggled and kissed him again before leaving. Carlisle grabbed his towel and smiled. The past 24 hours had been among the strangest. He caught his reflection in his mirror as he took off his shirt. He had grass stains on his back. It was amusing. He felt sweaty and tired but satisfied. Esme was his dream girl and he finally had her. His many fantasies had begun to come to life.

Determined not to be that creepy guy who whacks off in the shower, Carlisle forced himself to think of anything except Esme. He turned on the water and waited a few minutes for it to warm up. When he stepped into the spray he felt a powerful feeling of relaxation. He had never wanted to finish a shower so quickly. Esme was his now. He didn't know when she was going to break the news to Charles exactly, just that it would be soon. Maybe they would do it together at breakfast. The poor boring bastard would have to go find another girl to mold to his perfect image.

Carlisle rubbed himself down with soap quickly and then turned the shower off. Esme was probably just getting home but he was so excited to move the hour along. He could always go across campus to see her before nine and they could walk to breakfast together. As he dried off and grabbed his pants off of the hook he felt a cold sinking feeling in his stomach.

He had spontaneous sex with Esme. Not a problem in itself but he knew Esme wasn't on birth control as she didn't like the way it made her feel. They would have to go downtown for plan B. He felt guilty as he knew how she would feel afterwards, but it was better than a baby. Besides, asking either of them to put the breaks on after such an emotional coming together worthy of dime store romances was asking a bit much.

Carlisle smiled and stopped when he heard footsteps.

"Look at you," a male voice snorted, "blood on your face. You were sloppy dear brother."

"She was a pretty thing," another voice defended, "I like blondes."

"Her boyfriend wasn't too bad either," a third voice drawled. "Teenagers are the best."

"You two are being reckless again," the first man sighed, "it seems we all have in this regard."

Carlisle felt his throat run dry as he reached for the stall door it was opened.

"Morning," a man with long black hair said with a grin.

"Oh yes, lets," a second man, blonde this time, said as he joined the other. The men were impossibly beautiful. The first was tall and slender. His skin was pale as snow and contrasted sharply with his silky black hair. It was long and flowed over his shoulders. His eyes were frightening though. They were blazing red and he looked amused to say the least. The other was just a beautiful but his face was harder. He looked dark and sinister. His platinum blonde hair was pulled back by a black ribbon at the base of his neck. They were both wearing black clothing.

The black haired man stepped into the stall and Carlisle backed against the wall. He felt fear race up and down his spine under the cold red eyes of the strange man.

"Looks like you were in the wrong place at the wrong time," he purred, stroking his cheek. He hesitated and touched Carlisle's cheek properly. "You could be of use to me."

"W-what?"

"Pre-med and incredibly patient. My you waited a long time for her."

Carlisle's eyes widened and he felt a horrible fear creep through him. How did this man know about Esme? Had he hurt her?

"I haven't met your young lady," he answered calmly. "Though I do remember hearing you fucking her in the park."

"Such language in front of the child," the blonde taunted.

"I-I don't know what you want. Please let me go," Carlisle mumbled with what little strength he had left. He felt paralyzed with fear. "She needs me."

"You'll see her," the man whispered, leaning down to his neck, "but she'll never see you."

Carlisle's scream was caught in his throat by a cold stone hand cut the sound off as well as his breath. Sharp teeth sank deep into his neck and something burned into his veins. His mind went cloudy and he collapsed onto the man's shoulder.

"What were his thoughts?" Caius asked as Aro lifted the unconscious human over his shoulder.

"A silly girl."

...

Esme saw Lizzy sitting outside of the cafeteria with Edward but Carlisle wasn't there yet. She sat beside them and Lizzy instantly looked at her.

"Did you and Charles do it?"

"Carlisle convinced me to break up with him," Esme said with a smile.

"How?" Lizzy asked, slightly annoyed that her best friend hadn't listened to her. She caught the flush in Esme's cheeks and giggled loudly.

"Try to keep it on the down low until I can talk to Charles," Esme said quickly.

"Oh finally," Edward sighed. "I won't have to put up with more complaining about you and your stupid boyfriends and how he likes you and blah blah blah."

"So how quickly after confessing your love did you two sleep together?" Lizzy asked. "Was it in your room or his."

"Neither. After he said he loved me I ran off mad and we met up in the park...and...y'know."

Lizzy looked positively overjoyed that they not only hooked up but managed to be a little kinky about it and Edward looked like he was trying to figure out the mechanics of outdoor sex.

"He had grass stains on his shoulders. It was awkwardly sweet. We went back to his room and...went to sleep."

"After how many times?" Lizzy asked.

"One more."

"Aw you two are finally together! I can't wait until he gets here so I can congratulate him on growing some balls!"

"I'm surprised he didn't call Edward to brag about scoring."

Edward shrugged, "eh I knocked a girl up. Clearly I've gotten laid already."

Lizzy rolled her eyes. "I'm glad that's what counts."

"You're right," Edward sighed, "beating a nerd into the sack isn't much to brag about."

"You're impossible," Esme sighed, getting her phone out to check the time. "Lord he's late! Mr. Always on time my butt."

"Maybe he's whacking in the shower," Edward suggested.

"Nah, he claims it's too weird."

"Yet he isn't above doinking you in the park."

Esme blushed a little and dialed his number. She grumbled when it went to voicemail.

"Carly you dork you're late! Anyway we're all getting hungry to meet us inside okay."

"Yep. Pumpin the purple shotgun," Edward snorted.

"That was by far the stupidest innuendo I have ever heard," Lizzy groaned as he helped her stand. Esme laughed and followed, looking back out the windows briefly just in case he was on his way. She pouted a bit when he wasn't. But she tried to ignore it. After all Carlisle promised her he would be there and he never let her down.

TBC

Enjoy!


	4. Chapter 4

DC: I don't own it

thanks to my reviewers!

I'm making one alteration to the vampires to Twilight. I really like the idea of vampires crying blood. Dunno why. Just do.

Chapter 4,

Carlisle opened his eyes and saw a plain ceiling above him. It was the first time in what seemed like a lifetime he didn't feel agonizing pain. Granted he was sore. Very sore. He felt like he had just run a marathon with absolutely no preparation and no water breaks. The simple act of turning his head to the side earned stabs of protest from the muscles in his neck and shoulders. He managed to lift his arm and much to his surprise his skin wasn't blackened from the fire he was so sure engulfed him. He was pale. Too pale.

With difficulty he got to his feet, his muscles straining to support him. No, not straining, they just burned dully but he could work them just fine. The burning was fading away as he stood there. Getting up had been easy, as if he was moving through water. He held his hands up and examined them. They were still his hands. Same shape and size. He looked down at his feet and saw his own ten toes, right down to the second to last ones that were curved a little.

The color was wrong though. While he had never been a very tan person (sunlight didn't seem to make it into the library where he spent a lot of his time) this was pale even for him. He touched his skin and it felt different. How he didn't know but it was just...different. He put his hand to his neck and felt alarmed at what he didn't feel. There was no rush of blood alerting him to his own existence. Feeling a bit of panic he felt around for it, then he felt his wrists. Nothing there either. He jogged in place for a moment and was startled by how it felt. Like he was a liquid instead of a solid. His muscles offered their unyielding support in his movements. When he stopped there was still nothing. He was as pale as a corpse and no pulse seemed to reinforce that.

Was he dead? Dreaming? No, that pain was too real to be a dream. He looked around the room. He was in a basement with pale yellow painted walls. There were framed posters that Carlisle saw were in Italian. They looked like opera posters. There were book cases upon book cases of old volumes that made his inner nerd twitch. He was surprised when he could see the titles clearly. A polished piano sat in the corner against the wall of another room. He could hear a washing machine rumbling in the other room.

"Ah, you're awake."

Carlisle stiffened when he recognize the voice. His muscles twitched but a strong fear kept him from charging.

"Carlisle Cullen, age twenty two. You were born in Columbus Ohio to a pastor. You've wanted to be a doctor ever since you saw a confident young surgeon operate on his mother when she got her knee replaced. You just confessed your undying love to Esme Platt, the girl you grew up with and met when she kicked you in the face on the swings."

"How did you know that?" Carlisle asked quietly, his voice shaking a little.

"One of my gifts. I am Aro."

Carlisle took a step back. Aro just smiled and held his hands together in front of his stomach, as if appraising a cute little puppy.

"What did you do to me?" Carlisle asked, his voice so weak it came out as a whisper.

"That, my dear boy, is complicated," Aro said as he walked gracefully to a leather sofa. He sat down and indicated to the arm chair near him. Carlisle didn't move and Aro just shrugged. "The short answer is changed you into something greater than human. A vampire."

Carlisle shook his head. He glanced towards the stairs and made a break for it. He stumbled over his own feet when the shock of how fast he was moving hit him. Unfortunately his head collided with the solid body of Aro.

"I can't let you leave quite yet," Aro said calmly, pulling Carlisle up by his upper arm. "You may submit to your bloodlust and we would have to move ahead of schedule."

"Ahead of schedule?" Carlisle mumbled, rubbing his head. He was surprised when he didn't feel any pain but was just acting out of habit.

"Yes, your disappearance hasn't gone unnoticed. We've been here for a while and it's time to move on. It is very sunny here so my friends and I must stay indoors all day. However we don't want to move until you've adapted."

"Adapted to what?" Carlisle cried. He felt very near hysterical. He was waiting for Aro to start telling him what the ransom demands were going to be to his father. Not that he would get very much. After all being a servant of God didn't pay much.

"To your new life."

"Look," Carlisle said holding his hand out, seeming fairly desperate now. "My parents don't have really any money or anything you could want. Also I'm not good at sex so if you want to do perverted things to me you can probably find someone better."

Aro just started laughing and settled in the leather cushions. He folded one leg over the other knee and clasped his hands in his lap. He tilted his head slightly and watched Carlisle with an amused expression, like he was a small child trying to understand a simple concept for the first time.

"I'm not kidnapping you," Aro assured him, his smile grew.

"Then why am I here?" Carlisle pleaded, "why can't I go home?"

"Because if I let you out you would probably go on a mass killing spree," Aro answered with a casual shrug. "I hate cleaning up after irresponsible newborns, and you, my dear young man, are a irresponsible newborn."

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Carlisle screamed, nearly ripping his own hair out.

"You aren't human anymore," Aro said calmly, "do you remember our encounter in the bathroom?"

Carlisle briefly flashed back to the cold tile of the bathroom wall and Aro's icy skin as he touched his cheek. He couldn't remember much about it. Just the feeling of terror and pain. He did remember sharp teeth breaking the skin of his neck and something hot and thick seeping into his veins. He went to a half window on the other side of the room. A ray of sunlight poured through it and he looked at his skin, surprised he didn't ignite.

"Our kind have spread many rumors and myths about what we are so we aren't detected. One of those myths are that we burst into flames in the sunlight. Though Caius will say he wish that were true," Aro added with a pained sigh.

Carlisle didn't say anything. He just looked at his own skin. He was still surprised to see the shocking white color but even more so when he saw how his skin looked when it was hit with a beam of sunlight. The contrast to the rest of him was startling and confusing. In all of his years of studying human anatomy and physiology he had never come across anything like this. Wide eyed he turned his hand over and saw the way his skin sparkled like diamonds.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Aro asked in a soft murmur.

Carlisle was speechless as he watched the sunlight dance on his skin and cast rainbows on the wall. He heard Aro approach him and appraise his own skin, which shone just as brightly.

"Don't you think so?"

Perhaps it was the cumulation of the events of the past few days, or Carlisle's mind was finally catching up with everything, but he didn't share Aro's idea of the beauty in his new skin.

"I'M SPARKLING MORE THAN EFFING TINKER BELL! THIS IS BULLSHIT! YOU HEAR ME? BULLSHIT!" Carlisle screamed with all the force he could muster right in Aro's face.

The older vampire's eyes widened briefly in shock before narrowing in irritated pain. He held one up to his ear and shook his head.

"My that was loud yell," he sighed, "you'd wake the neighbors like that."

"IT'S THE MIDDLE OF THE DAY YOU DUMBASS!"

"Are the rest of our conversations going to be like this?"

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Carlisle screamed, grabbing Aro by the collar of his expensive jacket and shaking him once. "I HAD EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED! EVERYTHING! I HAD MY LIFE AHEAD OF ME! MY DREAMS AND MOST IMPORTANTLY I HAD ESME!"

Aro pulled Carlisle's hands off of his shirt and smoothed it out.

"Well, you're clearly overreacting."

"OVERREACTING? YOU THINK I'M OVERREACTING?"

"A little yes," Aro said with a nod, "with an immortal life you'll get plenty of chances to have sex."

"Esme wasn't just sex," Carlisle said quietly, sinking into the sofa. He buried his face in his hands. "She's been my best friend since we met. She's always been there for me and my whole life she's known every secret and every part of me. I finally got the girl I have loved since high school and then you came along!"

"Yes, well, life changes," Aro said, his voice turning a bit dark. "Caius will be home with your dinner in fifteen minutes. Why don't you just sit back and calm down."

Carlisle watched Aro go to the stairs.

"Oh, the windows are reinforced so you won't get out. If you somehow do I shall be very displeased. You may, however, come upstairs should you chose to stop complaining."

"I'll complain all I damn want! You stole my life you asshole!"

"Suit yourself," Aro shrugged as he turned to go up the stairs.

Carlisle laid down on the soft cushions and curled up. Everything about himself felt different. His knees felt like stone under his palms and his skin felt different. His breathing was off. He had never been one to lose his cool unless under extreme pressure. In his whole life he had only one panic attack back when he was in high school and his mother got into a car crash when they were coming home from school. It was traumatic and sent his teenage self into a heavy panic attack with hyperventilating and crying. He couldn't feel his heart thudding in his chest or the tightening of his lungs as breathing became difficult. He did feel something familiar. Warm liquid on his cheeks. It was thick though. He put his hand to his cheek and pulled it away. On his pearl white fingertips was deep red blood.

Realizing something big was a strange sensation that Carlisle never liked. Realizing what death meant when his dog Pepper died, realizing high school graduation marked the beginning of something bigger and unknown to him, and the realization that he was an adult and that he loved Esme more than anything in the world...all were big events that made him feel like someone took all the gravity from the world around him and put it all into his stomach.

Humans didn't cry blood.

...

Carlisle Cullen was dead. That was what the police had decided. After weeks of searching with no clues to go off of the search was called off so the force could turn their attention to cases they could solve. But that wasn't what was on Esme's mind. Sure she was in a state of shock and creeping slowly towards crippling depression, but that was a constant feeling. This feeling was fresh and very relevant.

"It's easy to do," Lizzy assured her, "just be careful not to pee on your hand."

"I'll keep that in mind," Esme mumbled as she took her shorts off. "I'm probably just late because of stress."

"Probably but you want to know for sure before you drink yourself into a coma."

"And this would stop me?" Esme asked as they unwrapped the pregnancy test.

"Yes, it would," Lizzy answered, her voice firm and a tad angry. "Which is why we're finding out together. I know you wouldn't consciously hurt a baby but you're in a bad place right now."

"Do your realize how royally fucked I am if I'm pregnant?" Esme cried. "Charles is already pissed that Carlisle admitted his feelings for me..."

Esme paused as her heart and stomach gave unhappy lurches.

"And if you're pregnant there is a chance that it's his so he has a right to know."

"I hate you and your logic sometimes," Esme grumbled, straightening herself and putting the pregnancy test on the sink. She washed her hands and avoiding the sideways glance at the stick.

"So what are you going to do if you are knocked up?"

"Liz I know you're trying to be supportive and all that, but right now I can't figure out what I'm going to be doing in the next hour."

Lizzy sat on the toilet lid and folded her arms. "Ezzy take it from someone who knows, this requires a bit of forward thinking."

"The man I love is missing, either dead or in hell on earth. The boyfriend I cheated on still wants to make a relationship work and will probably get his wish because according to this damn little stick I've got a damn little baby in my uterus!"

"For serious?" Lizzy asked, grabbing the test. "Oh holy shit."

"What the hell am I going to do?" Esme cried, throwing the hand towel at the mirror. She turned on the water again and splashed some in her face.

"First thing's first," Lizzy said calmly as she took Esme by the shoulders. "We're going to get some lunch."

Esme was about to protest but her stomach gave an unhappy growl. She held Lizzy's hand and they walked through the bedroom into the dark kitchen. She sat at the kitchen table while Lizzy grabbed a pan from the cabinet.

"Hey ladies I'm home!"

"Hey honey, I'm starting some soup. Do you want some?"

"I would love some," Edward said, walking into the kitchen. He kissed his girlfriend. He knelt down and kiss her stomach as well. "How are you two?"

"I'm fine and he's fluttering around like a little fairy."

"Aw cute," Edward cooed. He joined Esme at the table. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm pregnant."

"You two just have to do everything together don't you?"

Esme smiled a bit. "I guess. Yeah. She just makes it look like so much fun."

"Oh yeah, swollen ankles and raging hormones, what fun."

Edward chuckled and patted Esme's hand. "You should probably meet with a gyno. Y'know, get a proper test."

Esme nodded. "I just need a moment to let it all sink in."

"Take your time sweetie," Edward said with a warm smile. "We'll be here to help you."

"He's right," Lizzy said, spilling some tomato soup into the pan. "We love you Esme, we won't let you go through this alone. Besides, we'll do it together. All the diapers and feedings and whatnot."

"I don't really want to think about it right now," Esme sighed, resting her chin the table. "I'm in deep shit guys."

"Why?" Edward asked. "I mean besides the pregnant thing."

"Well considering sperm overlapped," Lizzy sighed from the stove.

"It's Carlisle's baby," Esme mumbled, closing her eyes, "Charles and I only did it a few times and wore condoms."

"Those aren't perfect, trust me," Edward muttered.

"Point is what Carlisle and I had was special. Unprotected all three times but special all the same. I swear it's like fate knew I only had one shot at two point five kids with him so he loaded me up before getting his dumb ass kidnapped." Esme stood up and stretched. "I'm going for a walk. I'll call the doctor when I get back."

"You gonna be okay alone?" Lizzy asked.

"Yeah, yeah I'm gonna be okay."

Esme left and went outside into the warm spring afternoon. She took a deep breath and let it out. So what could she do? She went to her car, a busted up old chevy that she and Carlisle lovingly referred to as Clunky. It had peeling green paint and rust spots, ran like a arthritic donkey and was loud enough to wake the neighborhood, but it was the car they both learned how to drive in. She got into the hard drivers seat and turned it on. The loud rumbling echoed through the apartment complex and she got an annoyed look from a nearby pedestrian.

With no definite destination in mind she headed off down the streets, hoping for something to come up.

...

To say that Aro wasn't amused by Carlisle's inability to wrap his head around being a vampire would be a lie. He and Marcus sat in the nicely furnished basement with their newborn friend, watching him scratch the concrete wall with his new unbreakable nails with a dead look in his eyes.

"He's a little boring," Marcus muttered.

"Oh come now," Aro chuckled, folding one leg over the other as he usually did, "he's entertaining to say the least. Like a new puppy or something."

"You two are fully aware that I can hear you right?" Carlisle asked from the other side of the room.

"I think you've crushed his fragile spirit," Marcus continued, as if Carlisle hadn't spoken.

"Yes, he isn't very well suited for this life," Aro sighed, tilting his head to the side. "But what's done is done and I can't undo it."

Carlisle's brow furrowed as he continued to pick at the cement wall. His forehead was against the wall but it didn't feel cool like he knew a cement wall would be. Actually it felt a tad warm, as if his skin was now colder. It was unsettling to say the least. He continued to stare with a sort of wide eyed shock as he managed to chip away solid concrete with his fingertips. There were so many questions he had running through his mind but the thought of asking Aro any of them kept him silent.

How long was he going to be like this? That was the biggest one. Was this a permanent thing or could he just take a shot of penicillin or something to get rid of it? How long did one remain a vampire before turning into dust or whatever? He couldn't go on anything he had read in storybooks because, as Aro claimed, many of those were myths to appear human. He could hear things with more intensity. He could hear the neighbors wife cheating on him with the housekeeper. Granted that perked his interest the first time he heard it, but after a few weeks it was getting old. He could see things as clearly as he could back in middle school when he started needing glasses for reading. Clearer even. He could see every little component of the cement that he was still picking away at.

"If you keep that up you'll dig your way to China," Aro warned with delighted amusement.

Carlisle got up quickly and made a break for the half window but crashed into Aro again.

"You're getting predictable," Aro said, helping Carlisle stand. Carlisle jerked his arm away and went back to picking the wall. "Come now why so glum? You have been given the gift of immortality and the powers of a super human!"

"Immortality?" Carlisle cried. "I'm going to be like this forever!"

"Yes, what did you think?" Marcus snorted. Like Aro he had a condescending air about him, but unlike Aro, he didn't find Carlisle's innocence all that amusing.

"I want to see Esme," Carlisle said, coming up to Aro. "Please let me see her."

"That isn't going to happen unless you want to eat your little honey for breakfast."

"I wouldn't do that to her."

Aro smiled a little and pat Carlisle's cheek. "Mm you haven't smelled the fruit on the vine yet."

"What does that even mean?" Carlisle cried in a high voice.

"It means you'll want to do more than bang her that's what," Marcus snorted.

Carlisle looked at Aro, confused and slightly hurt. "W-what?"

"You'll want to kill your sweetie," Aro answered, patting Carlisle on the head. "Come to think of it you'll want to kill every sweetie you see on the street. In a little while, after you've calmed down a bit, we'll take you out and teach you how to hunt properly."

"H-hunt properly? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Carlisle screamed, gripping Aro's shoulders. "TELL ME WHAT YOU MEAN RIGHT NOW!"

"Feisty little thing," Marcus sighed from the sofa. He grabbed a book from the coffee table and opened it.

"I mean we feed on human blood," Aro answered simply, "right now you aren't stable enough to be out on your own. We can't have you killing off half of the city."

Carlisle backed away and Aro watched the blonde sink into a leather chair. He shook his head and sank back, bringing his knees up close to him. He ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes.

"What did you think we did?" Aro asked, sitting back on the sofa.

"I don't know," Carlisle mumbled quietly. "Animals? Blood banks?"

"Eew and blood banks take the fun out of it," Marcus answered with a scowl. "Animal blood is disgusting and only used as a last resort. Also you can feed without killing right out."

"You can? But I thought if you bit someone they would turn."

"Oh they do," Aro answered. His eyes glittered and he had a dark grin. "We have lustful desires as well dear. While ravishing the sweet young lady cut her and sip her blood."

"Emo chicks dig it the most," Marcus commented, "something about giving their life essence to get a high or some bullshit like that."

"Humans are into crazy stuff," Aro sighed. "I remember a more civilized time."

"I miss the corsets," Marcus sighed, seeming to slip into the same nostalgia as Aro. "Ah they were lovely creatures back then."

"That's sexist," Carlisle mumbled against his knees.

"Well excuse me but just how many social eras have you lived through?"

Carlisle didn't bother to answer. He just closed his eyes and tried to avoid thinking of Esme. It was a useless effort as he often thought of her before all this out of habit. He wondered what she was doing and how worried she must be about him. He couldn't really tell where he was, if he was even close to campus. Was he even still in Athens? Columbus? Anywhere in Ohio?

How long until he killed someone? That question seemed more persistent than his location even though it was one he didn't want to think about. Now that it was bubbling in his mind, he realized he would rather be thinking about how much he missed Esme. But no, as this was he one time he would rather think about his girlfriend of one night, he couldn't think about her face. It was as if he had temporarily forgotten about her. His cruel mind had switched to dwell on a different part of her. Her blood. Everybody's blood. How long could he go without killing a human?

"I brought the baby a bottle!"

Carlisle glanced upwards where he could hear Caius, the third vampire, return. Heavy footsteps crossed above and then came down the stairs. He tossed the bottle of blood to Carlisle who caught it with ease. He put it on the end table beside the chair.

"I'm not hungry," he mumbled.

"No, you don't want to drink human blood," Aro corrected, "Carlisle you haven't fed in a week, you're going to need to drink some soon or you'll be even harder to control."

"I'm going to bed," Carlisle mumbled, getting up and going across the basement to a nicely furnished room. There was a bed there for comfort only with a television, a computer and some books. Aro assured him that he would have a better room once he matured a bit. Even though he knew that his maker was being genuine in his desire to keep Carlisle from going on a newborn rampage, it still made him feel like he was a prisoner. The bed was warm and soft though. A thick mattress that seemed to swallow him up. He had a thick blue comforter to pull over his head and fluffy blue pillows to burry his face in.

He couldn't sleep anymore but he could certainly dream. He realized he had always been quite good at daydreaming, but in the past few weeks he had become a master. He closed his eyes and let his body fall limp. Then he let his mind wander. When it wandered to Esme though, he pulled back and opened his eyes.

Every time he opened his eyes after these fake dreams he saw the basement room. Every time he remembered that he was, for all intents and purposes, dead. Every time he opened his eyes in the basement room he cried.

TBC

I have more fun writing Carlisle as a newborn than I should.


	5. Chapter 5

DC: I don't own it

thanks to my reviewers!

I'm just gonna say here, I love Aro and Carlisle. Ever since New Moon I pictured Carlisle's time in Volterra and being with Aro very entertaining with him being teased a lot by the three brothers.

Chapter 5,

"Why are you keeping me down here?" Carlisle asked one afternoon as Aro brought him a new book.

"Right now you're a newborn, ergo unpredictable. Down here it's easier to contain you what with there being less exits. It's nothing personal, we just have to keep our secret."

Carlisle took the book from Aro and sunk into the large sofa.

"You're calming down," Aro observed, sitting in the arm chair and propping his feet on the coffee table. "Your newborn blood is changing."

"What does that even mean?" Carlisle sighed.

"It means we'll see how you react outside of your nice little tomb. I must say I don't care for your alterations to the decor," Aro added as an afterthought, glancing at the wall where Carlisle had carved a nice sized hole with his fingernail.

"You can put a poster over it or something," Carlisle mumbled, opening the book. "Y'know I never really read Hamlet."

"Isn't it required reading in schools now?" Aro asked, frowning slightly. "Good lord I had hoped you kids were getting a good education."

"Yeah it was," Carlisle said, flipping through the pages. "Esme was really into it so she let me copy her work in exchange for my math answers."

"And here I thought you were a good student," Aro smirked.

"I know the basic story. Revenge and all that. Maybe I'll get some ideas."

Aro dropped his head back and laughed. "Ah yes, you want to kill me."

"More than anything."

"Well that will change," Aro promised, "the boys are back. Why don't you join us?"

"This isn't a trick is it?" Carlisle asked, looking up from the book. "I mean you usually clothesline me or something."

"Well don't make any sudden movements and we'll see how it goes," Aro shrugged. "I know you won't believe me but the smell of blood is a bit stronger upstairs. You can pick up the neighbors scents better up here."

Carlisle walked up the creaking wooden steps into the sunlight. The hallway he entered into was lined with old oil paintings of shadowy figures. A large one at the end of the hall was of the three brothers sitting on a marble balcony wearing hooded black cloaks.

"The good old days," Aro sighed sadly, "back when we didn't have to put so much effort into hiding."

"You live in a suburb," Carlisle reminded him, "how is that effort?"

"Hiding bodies," Aro clarified, "I took care to save some of your blood. The odds of you running into anybody you know in the world once we move on are extremely low but all the same it would be nice if the police could declare you dead."

Carlisle felt like his stomach dropped out. He looked away from the painting on the wall to Aro.

"Dead?"

"Well yes," Aro answered simply, "to the world you are. Besides, you don't want your sweet little slice holding onto your memory forever do you? Hoping that she would find you somehow, somewhere. That seems like torture to me."

They turned into a wide open living room with white carpet and beige walls. There were comfy plush sofas facing a large television. Marcus was lounging on one of them reading the newspaper. He looked comfy and casual in faded blue jeans, no shirt and his hair tied back with an elastic band.

"Oh Mark, we get it, you love your body," Aro sighed.

Carlisle could see faint scars on Marcus's pale torso and he wondered where they could have come from.

"This is the only way I can enjoy the sunlight," Marcus reminded him lazily, "and don't be jealous just because you have the body of a fetus."

"Sit down kid, you're making me nervous," Caius barked from the chair.

Carlisle dropped quickly into the arm chair and Aro rolled his eyes. "Carlisle don't let him make you his bitch."

"Caius just has a stick up his ass about everything," Marcus explained. "It's what happens when you don't get laid on a regular basis."

"Shut the hell up," Caius growled. "So what can blondie do anyway?"

"Nothing much I'm afraid," Aro sighed, pushing Marcus's legs off of the sofa before sitting down. "He's quite normal."

"Why do you keep talking like I'm not here?" Carlisle complained.

"He has a lovely control over his blood lust," Aro continued as if Carlisle hadn't said anything, "he doesn't seem to crave it like a usual newborn."

"Hm," Caius grunted.

"Don't mind him," Aro sighed, sinking into the cushions. "He's just being a diva."

Carlisle thought Aro looked a bit sad but if he was he didn't show it very clearly. It was more a change in his body language and Carlisle was sure that as a human he wouldn't have picked it up.

"Hey kid, your funeral is next weekend. We should go, as a sort of last hurrah."

"What? How long have I been with you guys?" Carlisle cried, jumping up. He ran to Caius and took the newspaper, much to the other blonde's irritation. He saw the article headline in big bold print.

**FUNERAL SERVICE FOR MURDERED COLLEGE STUDENTS TO BE HELD**

"Oh sweet lord," Carlisle mumbled. "I was murdered?"

"Yes, unfortunately our decision..."

Caius cleared his throat loudly.

"My decision," Aro amended, "to erm...keep you...has forced us to reveal the bodies of the other victims, this painting the picture of a serial killer. If you'll read the article you'll find out how you were discovered."

Carlisle skimmed the page until he found the details, what few there were. The journalist didn't seem to want to get into it.

_While the body of Carlisle Cullen, age 23, was never found, enough evidence to suggest his death were found by police Monday._

"That doesn't tell me anything!"

"It took some doing but we got some limb doubles for you and I kept your old blood just incase this was needed."

"Or if you wanted a snack later," Carlisle grumbled.

"Same thing really," Aro shrugged.

Carlisle went back to the article. It was talking about how people could donate to help costs and support the family.

"So are you going to donate to the families?" Carlisle asked.

"Probably not," Marcus answered. "Why would we?"

"Because you killed me!"

"If only," Caius grumbled, snatching his paper back.

"Oh now be nice," Aro scolded lightly. "I say we go check it out."

"Oh Aro that would go over like a turd in a punch bowl," Marcus warned, stretching his legs over Aro's lap. Carlisle noticed Caius glance over briefly at the two before going back to his paper.

"Would freak out the religious type," Aro snorted.

"My dad is a pastor," Carlisle said distantly. He was staring out the window now. It looked so nice out. The kind of day he would spend walking with Esme or his mom.

"Aw why so sad?" Aro asked, tilting his head. "This life is quite enjoyable when you get used to it."

"What kind of future do I have now?" Carlisle asked quietly, looking down and his hands in his lap. "I was going to be a doctor, cure diabetes, marry Esme and have lots of babies."

"The girl you've only slept with once?" Aro asked.

"We've been in love for years," Carlisle clarified, "I was just too stupid to see what I had in front of me. I could have had Esme since high school. Hell if I was smart I would have seen it and we'd probably be engaged by now!"

"Marriage isn't all it's cracked up to be," Caius said from behind his paper. "And who knows maybe you can use that control Aro claims you have and go back to school."

"It isn't just that," Carlisle mumbled quietly. "It's my life I'm missing. I mean Edward and Lizzy, two of my good friends, are having a baby. My mom is dealing with Pops dying of cancer. I promised Esme that I would always be there for her."

"That's an empty promise no matter who says it," Marcus reminded him, "such a typical best friend promise."

"She cried on my shoulder when her dad walked out on her and her mom and she's always needed me."

Caius folded up his paper and dropped it on the floor. He stretched out and groaned loudly. "Alright Huggies we get it, you hate that Aro made you a vampire. Right now I hate that he did too. Especially since I don't feel like listening to little emo drabblings of someone who doesn't even know what the meaning of life is."

"And you do?" Carlisle asked angrily. He hated being treated like a child as a human and detested being treated like one by the pompous vampires he now lived with.

"I'm celebrating my one thousandth birthday this weekend," Caius deadpanned.

Carlisle wanted to say something but there really wasn't a point in either arguing or what Caius had said. He wasn't complaining about a meaning in life, but rather what had been stolen from him or would ever be experienced the same way ever again. Aro had assured him that he would find a host of new experiences when he grew out of his newborn phase but Carlisle didn't want to think about the positive. After all his whole life he had been looking at the positive and once, just once, he wanted to dwell. Unfortunately the only vampire who seemed to understand that was Marcus. Caius and Aro were both getting quite tired of Carlisle's childish whining as they called it.

Caius stood up and went upstairs and Carlisle watched as Aro followed. He looked over at Marcus who just rolled his eyes.

"Keep it down up there this time!" he called after them.

"Keep what down?" Carlisle asked.

"You'll probably find out," Marcus sighed. "I usually leave but you can't be left unattended yet."

"I'm not a child," Carlisle grumbled, folding his arms.

"Alright kiddo here's the deal," Marcus sighed, sitting upright and putting his book aside. "While you are fully developed adult by human standards, in the vampire world you are like a toddler. You don't understand much of what is going on around you no matter how many times we explain it. Before you even argue," he added quickly holding up his hand as Carlisle opened his mouth to protest, "you still don't understand how your body has changed. You don't understand your new abilities or your bloodlust. Which makes you even more dangerous to the humans than we are. You see Aro and Caius have had a millennium to figure it out. There are very few vampires in the world that have the expert level of control they have over their bloodlust. Myself? Well we all fuck up from time to time. I'm half their age."

"So it's going to take me centuries?" Carlisle asked. Marcus felt a little twinge at how pathetically sad he sounded.

"To master it. You have a few months of being a newborn left before the venom and your remaining human blood has fully left your body. Your thirst will even out. You'll also begin to comprehend what you are now."

Carlisle stood up and went to the window. He could hear children playing at a nearby park and the occasional car passing by. He recognized the neighborhood and saw familiar apartments nearby.

"Do you guys erm...hunt...near home?"

"Sometimes," Marcus shrugged, "usually we go downtown though and prey on the homeless people. We only need blood once a week. You require more because you're still young. Are you afraid that we feast on the little babies in the neighborhood?"

"No," Carlisle mumbled. He wondered if he should tell Marcus that his friends lived in the apartments nearby and he was merely worried about them being devoured. "You don't eat children or pregnant women do you?"

"No. Aro and Caius prefer the pretty boys if they get a choice. I myself enjoy a nice cup of old lady."

Carlisle wrinkled his nose and Marcus smirked.

"Of course I'm lying. We don't have types. We take what we can get without stirring up a fuss."

"You've made the papers!" Carlisle cried.

Marcus shrugged. "Like I said, sometimes we fuck up. Sometimes we are careless. Aro and Caius slipped for the first time in centuries."

Carlisle was about to say something when he heard a disturbing noise from upstairs. He knew the noise right away, after all he had lived in the dorms for a few years. He looked at Marcus who just smirked.

"Vampires have excellent hearing," he sighed, glancing up at the ceiling, "you'll get used to it."

"They're...oh god!"

"All the same, I'm happy they made up," Marcus said with a grin, "Caius tends to be in a much better mood after getting some."

Marcus patted Carlisle on the shoulder and went back to the sofa to continue reading.

...

Marcus had been right, Caius definitely was in a much better mood. He participated in helping Aro disguise Carlisle with fewer snide remarks than usual and even seem to have a bounce in his step. Or so Carlisle thought. The others claimed they didn't notice a change. Though even Marcus couldn't deny the looks that went just a little too long between the two.

"You'll find soon enough that their cutesy little romance gets very old very quickly," he sighed, fluffing Carlisle's wig. "And you look dreadful as a brunette."

"Oh come now he can pass as my brother now," Aro cheered, hugging Carlisle's shoulders enthusiastically. If makeup sex put Caius in a tolerable mood, it made Aro positively giddy.

"Not nearly as cute," Caius smirked from his spot against the wall. "At least nobody will recognize him now."

"Guys I don't really want to do this," Carlisle protested yet again. "I mean seeing my funeral is kinda morbid."

"Oh come now this is when you'll find out what people really thought about you," Aro insisted, putting Carlisle's contacts in.

"This is stupid."

"Your eyes are brilliantly red dear boy, that is highly suspicious. Besides you had such lovely blue ones. Didn't he Caius?"

"Be gayer," Caius sighed.

"You'll get used to their mood swings," Marcus grumbled as he slid into his shoes.

It was the first time Carlisle had been outside in months. While he wanted to be excited to experience fresh air for the first time as a vampire, he was still on his way to his own funeral. That in itself was depressing. Really, really depressing. He was tempted to pretend to lose control and make them rethink taking him. He was more or less pushed into Aro's sleek black car and they were on their way.

"This will help you make peace with the change," Aro told him after they drove in silence for a while.

"Why can't we just go to the memorial and get it over with?"

"Because we missed it. It was too sunny."

"Oh that was bullshit and you know it," Carlisle grumbled. "You just want to torture me."

"Carlisle that isn't it," Aro assured him.

"Though it's a perk," Caius added. Aro hit him on the shoulder.

Carlisle folded his arms and looked out the window. It was an overcast day. Perfect for vampires to walk in the daytime. He wanted it to rain or something. He hoped for a tornado. Anything that could keep the day from going on. But as they rolled into Columbus the weather was friendly enough for a cloudy day.

"So where did you grow up?" Aro asked, turning into a residential area. "This is the right neighborhood isn't it?"

"It's creepy that you know that," Carlisle grumbled.

Aro pulled into the church parking lot and found a spot. They were early and Carlisle was sure that, even though Aro claimed to have miscalculated, he had planned it out.

"So you lived in this sad neighborhood?" Caius asked, wrinkling his nose.

"It reminds me of Chicago in the thirties," Marcus sighed, taking off his sunglasses. He saw a beat up minivan with peeling silver paint and rust spots near the wheels. He was vaguely aware of the vampires behind him bickering about something unimportant. The back door of the van was open and he could see an all too familiar faded sweater and jeans. Carlisle felt a horrible pain in his chest and his stomach plummeted to his feet.

"Mom," he mumbled. He wanted to run to her and tell her he was alive. Sort of. He watched the older woman look up at the sky. Her eyes were bloodshot and she had dark circles under her eyes. Her cheeks were thinner and a little hollow and she looked like she had lost a lot of weight.

"Sweetheart I'm going to go change," Mrs. Cullen said. Her voice was thick but cracking. She had been crying all night. He could smell her tears and it made him feel sick. His mother went into the church and he saw his father for the first time since early spring. The change in his mother had been painful but the change in his father was heartbreaking. The once pudgy man looked sicker. He had almost no hair now and he seemed so much older.

"Look at them," Carlisle mumbled. "You did this to them!"

"What was that I wasn't listening?" Aro asked.

"My parents!" Carlisle cried. "Look at them!"

"They don't look good do they?" Aro sighed. "Well they are at a funeral."

"I'm done here," Carlisle declared holding his hands up. "I have to go."

"Carlisle you can't go," Aro warned him.

Carlisle shook his head. He turned quickly on his heel and burst into a run. He could hear the three vampires struggling to run after him but he was faster. He ran through his old neighborhood, down the streets he knew from childhood. Around him were memories. He passed the fire hydrant where the fire department would hook up a massive sprinkler and hand out water balloons and popsicles for the children. He passed by the Cartwright house where he, Esme and the neighbor kids would sneak into the garden to surprise Miss Betty. Everything was a blur and bloody tears stung his eyes. He could hear the three vampires trying to catch him but he was faster and he knew every twist and turn the neighborhoods had to offer.

After running nearly all over the city and losing the three vampires in the tangled web of buildings, cars and humans, Carlisle made it back to his old stomping grounds. He wandered into the schoolyard and was surprised to find it wasn't completely empty. Even from far away he could recognize the lone occupant on the swings. It was darker now. A storm was coming in. He wondered why Esme was here instead of the church, but then again he figured this was the only place she would want to be.

"What am I doing here?" Esme asked herself as she poked the gravel with her feet. The memorial service had been hard enough. The college had put up a plaque honoring it's lost students before going back to normal. The funeral had a spectacular turn out. Everybody who ever knew Carlisle was there, stuffing the church. Nobody would notice she had slipped away.

Carlisle gripped the bark of the tree he hid behind and watched her. Fake brown hair blew around his face in the wind and he had long since rubbed the contacts out of his eyes. He couldn't help but marvel at her beauty, but perhaps that was because he couldn't see her face. He couldn't see how the pain of his death had changed it.

"I guess I just foolishly hoped you were here," she mumbled.

"I am," he whispered against the tree, "Esme just turn around."

She stood up and turned around. The wind blew her hair around her shoulders and he could see her face clearly. She looked healthy and radiant. Not at all like he had expected after seeing how his mother had deteriorated since losing him. It was the swell of her belly that caught his attention though.

He watched her wander to the edge of the playground. Even though the wooden trim had long been removed and replaced by a sort of rubber, he knew it was the place where he had cracked his head open as a child. Esme eased into the bench nearby and rubbed her noticeable bump. Carlisle gripped the bark harder, his fingers digging into it. Her phone rang and she answered it. Carlisle was surprised that he could hear who was on the other line. Unfortunately for him it was Charles, the last voice he wanted to hear.

"Where are you?" Charles asked. "You said you were going to the bathroom."

"I just had to get away," Esme explained, "Charles I can't watch his dad up there trying not to break down. I can't hear him talk about how amazing Carlisle was and how he's in heaven now."

"I worry about you being alone."

Esme looked down at her belly and a soft smile tugged at her lips.

"You don't have to worry about that anymore. She needs me."

"We all do. Where are you? I'll come get you."

"I'm at the school."

Charles laughed softly, "my first guess. I'll be there soon."

"Alright. I'll see you soon."

They hung up and Esme put her phone aside. She moved to lay in the grass. Carlisle was pleased that she was dressed in casual clothes instead of black.

"I met him here you know," Esme whispered, lazily tracing shapes on her belly. "We used to play here every day at recess."

She felt a soft flutter and smiled.

"You're right on schedule," she sighed with a smile, "your daddy always loved being prompt."

"Esme," Carlisle murmured against the tree. He could feel blood dribbling down his cheeks. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. His heart ached and felt like it was breaking all over again.

"You're all I have left of him," Esme murmured, gazing up at the darkening sky. Tears trickled down her cheeks slowly at first and then faster and faster until she was crying openly. She put her hands over her face and shook her head. "Only he would be stupid enough to get kidnapped!"

The weight Carlisle felt in his stomach was something he didn't expect. He suddenly felt so heavy and frozen in place. He could hear the baby's, his baby's, heartbeat fluttering like a humming bird. He reached up and yanked the wig off. His blonde hair fell into place. He would go to her and make this life work. He could control his bloodlust well enough on his own. He would explain to her that he could live without feeding on humans.

"Esm...!"

Carlisle felt like he was tackled by a bulldozer. The tree groaned in protest and shook, making Esme look over. A hand was clamped tight over his mouth and he saw angry black eyes.

"Carlisle I will kill you if you ever do that again," Aro snarled angrily. He growled angrily when he heard Esme sit up with some difficulty. He pushed Carlisle against the thick trunk and gave him an angry glare.

"Oh shit ow," Esme swore, as she pulled her palm up. She saw a shard of glass in the grass and grumbled.

Aro could smell the dribble of blood on Esme's palm and obviously Carlisle could too. His eyes widened and Aro grabbed him by the throat.

"Keep your cool," Aro growled, "or you can go kill her. Either way if you make a scene I will make you pay."

Aro held tightly onto Carlisle's arm and ran at top speed away from the school. They met Caius and Marcus nearby and Aro practically threw the youngest vampire into the car before sliding in himself.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID I TELL YOU?" Aro roared.

"SHE'S PREGNANT YOU SHITHEAD! WITH MY BABY!"

"Way to go stud," Marcus snorted from the front seat.

"And what was your plan?" Aro asked. "Oh yes, I saw it. You were going to make a vampiric relationship work with a human and a baby. You're brilliant Carlisle, absolutely brilliant. You have so much to teach us vampires who have lived hundreds of years."

"YOU STOLE MY LIFE! MY DAUGHTER WILL GROW UP NEVER KNOWING ME BECAUSE OF YOU!"

"Could you stop yelling it's annoying," Caius sighed.

Carlisle let his head fall against the window. He could imagine how this day would have been if he hadn't been changed. He imagined laying in the grass beside her and he would be the one tracing shapes on her belly. They would have found a way for him to finish school and raise a baby. In all reality though he probably would have put that on hold and gotten a steady job. They would have a tiny apartment with second hand furniture above a pizza place or something. Their baby would be healthy and happy and overwhelmed by all the love he and Esme would give her.

The future he would have had seemed like it would have been a good one. Carlisle felt rage bubbling in his chest and tense his muscles. With an angry growl he turned and punched Aro in the side of the head.

...

Esme walked under the trees where she had heard the strange noises. With a wrinkled nose she nudged Carlisle's wig with her foot, half expecting it to move. She put her hand on the tree as she saw what looked like claw marks. She stared at them in silence, tracing them with her fingers. Cold rain drops began to fall from the sky. She took comfort knowing that Carlisle would have loved the idea of it raining on his funeral. He would have enjoyed the cliche.

"Esme!"

Esme looked back and saw Charles crossing the school yard to her. He was holding an umbrella big enough for both of them.

"We missed you," he said as he reached her. He held the umbrella over her head. "Holding up okay?"

"I thought I heard his voice," Esme mumbled. "Like he was here, y'know."

"Come on," Charles murmured, wrapping his arm around her shoulder. He kissed her head and then rubbed her belly with one hand. "How is she doing?"

"I felt her moving while I was laying here," Esme said quietly as she looked down. "I couldn't stand his mom crying like that. I couldn't stand hearing them talk about Carlisle like he's..."

"Esme they found plenty of evidence to suggest that he's dead."

"I'm tired," Esme sighed, rubbing her eyes. "I want to go home."

"Alright sweetheart, let's go."

They walked together to the car. Esme didn't speak on the drive home. Charles held her hand and rubbed her knuckles with his thumb. He glanced at her occasionally but she just continued to stare blankly out the window. Everywhere around her there were nothing but memories.

"Let's go back to Athens," Esme mumbled. "I want to get out of this place."

"We can't go back yet dear. We haven't packed or anything."

"Fine, then I want to stay in a hotel downtown."

"A hotel? Esme everything is at your moms house, what you need is just some rest."

"I want to get away from this place!" Esme snapped. "Charles I want to get away from everything that reminds me of him! At least just for tonight. I know I can't run away from him forever but tonight...every room in my house has his memory."

Charles sighed. "Alright sweetheart, whatever you want."

"Thank you," Esme said softly, giving him a grateful smile. He kissed her hand and smiled.

"I love you Ezzy, I just want to help you through this as much as I can."

Esme squeezed his hand and then went back to looking out the window. Baby Bella stirred inside her and she looked down at the bump. She could see Carlisle so clearly and imagine what he would have done if he was still with her. He would probably love every moment of her pregnancy and even try to give her home exams himself, just to make sure the baby was healthy every day.

_"Quick Carly! You have to feel this!"_

_Carlisle's gentle hands rested on either side of her belly. His brow momentarily furrowed as he tried to feel what she could. When he felt it his eyes lit up, the bright blue seemed even brighter, and he would smile his usual giddy smile._

_"Esme! I felt her move! I felt her move! Oh Esme this is so exciting!"_

_"Yeah," she murmured, looking at the joy in his face. He was like a child getting a puppy._

_"I love you, my beautiful Esme," Carlisle murmured, caressing her cheeks briefly before kissing her with the usual tenderness. "We'll be happy together forever."_

Tears rolled down Esme's cheeks. She was aware of Charles getting out of the car and telling her he would return with their overnight bags.

_"I promise I won't be like him," Carlisle whispered against her shoulder. He rubbed circles over her belly. "I'll love you both for as long as I'm alive."_

_"You seem so sure," Esme murmured against his hair_

_"I am," Carlisle assured her. "I want us forever. We'll live in a suburb house and have lots of babies."_

_"One at a time," Esme giggled. "You'll be working so much in the beginning that we won't have time to make more."_

_"I always have time for you," Carlisle assured her. "Besides," he smirked, "ever heard of on call nookie?"_

_"You're such a nerd," Esme moaned._

_"Yeah," Carlisle agreed, copping a feel. "Mm boob."_

Esme snapped out of her daydream when Charles got into the car. She jumped and he looked at her strangely.

"Did I startle you?"

"Just a little. I was thinking."

"You were smiling a little," Charles told her with a smile of his own. "What were you thinking about?"

"The baby," Esme answered, looking down at her belly again, "I can't wait until she's here."

"Me neither," Charles agreed with a smile. He rubbed her belly gently and leaned over to kiss Esme's cheek. "We'll be a happy family forever."

"Yeah," Esme mumbled looking down at Charles' hand over the swell of Carlisle's baby, "forever."

TBC

Yay new chapter!


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